Hi and Welcome to my Blog
Hi. My name is Gilli and I have made this blog as a place for me to relax, be myself, explore ideas, share experiences, express honestly, reflect and learn. I hope to document a monumentally important time in my personal evolution and be an inspiration to others. I feel a shift in my driving force from, the reactive problem solving savoir of the world (I thought I was) to a more grounded and balanced woman who recognises the natural and realistic progression of things, the part I play in it and how unlimited we all are. I am experiencing numerous liberating realisations that come with equally tough glimpse of the truths. One such truth is I have almost completely lost myself to an impossible idea of who I think the world and those in it want or needs me to be. On many occasions I have felt as though I have dissolved into the needs of others and for a long time I did not even know it. Often I chose to do this as looking after everyone else have me a justifiable reason to not work on myself. My journey has brought me to a very scary, interesting and exciting point in my life. I am once have glimpses of excitement for the future for myself and family. I am often slightly defiant in my approach to the decisions I make and know I need to rationalise and be more in control of my Why’s. Rebellion was always a comfort blanket for me and it feels good to be wrapped in it once in a while.
I recently realised I had lost my ‘Gilli Navigation system’ (this was my inner life navigator my pleasure route finder) My ‘Gilli Nav’ just knew my hearts desire. It always found a path or a road to ‘This Way 👉🏼 ‘ It did not make things too complicated or restrictive and it rarely worried about consequences. It did on occasion get me lost, take me to a dead end, or lead me to a smelly old abandoned road to nowhere. Mostly my inner ‘Gilli Nav’ took me to wonderful places where there were lots of wonderful people and magical moments to cherish. For some reason (which I will explore at a later date) when I married and had children, I completely lost my ‘Gilli Nav’. Some time after losing it, I forgot I ever had one. Many years passed and I became aware I was relying on other peoples sign posts to tell me where to go and what to do. Often they had no navigation system of their own. I was lost and wondering how I managed to find myself in places I would never have chosen, with people I have nothing in common with. I waited for a saviour who knew what I wanted and how to get me to my destination. Then, I realised no one is going to get me to where I need to be and I am out of excuses as to why I can not do it myself. I need to get a grip and just get it done. How do I do that? I need some directions! How did I used to do it? Bleep…Bleep…Bleep! What is that noise, I have been hearing it for a while? Bleep…Bleep…Bleep! Its getting louder and louder. Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!
Oh my Giddy Aunt, I remember this, it’s my ‘Gilli Nav’ Wow, its been so long…….Now, how does the bloody thing work?……… This is the point I am at, finding out how my Gilli Nav works again.
I am 50 years old, recently separated from my husband of 28 years, mother of 2 and step mum of 19 year old. In person I am quick witted with a sometimes prickly personality and even pricklier sense of humour. These are some of the many things I am learning to love about myself. I have a bucket list fit for ten buckets and a new found enthusiasm for life but no energy to go with it. I have set myself some goals and am looking forward to living and sharing the new phase of my wonderful journey through this brief journey we call life.
I hope to amuse, entertain, encourage, inform, inspire, and regularly remind myself and others how wonderful we are.
GilliBloom 🌸